This is Johnny-Boy O'Smithy, reporting from CAPITAL CITY, U.S.A.! Newtman has just emerged from the Newt Cave to address a throng of his fellow Republican Superfriends about the growing threat of the evil Dr. Baracko, mad elitist muslim mastermind! I'm here with reporters from the L.A. Times, who earlier reportedthat Newtman today released his first Hero's Manifesto in years, to address the imminent approach of this terrible new supervillain!
The article is headlined "My Plea to Republican [Superfriends]: It's Time for Real Change to Avoid Real Disaster," and he warns that the Louisiana election is the latest bit of evidence that unless his party heeds his call, it is "going to suffer decisive losses this November."
He notes polls showing John McCain a potentially strong GOP presidential candidate, but then immediately argues that there is reason "that this extraordinary personal achievement should not comfort congressional Republicans."
He also cautions that if the problems afflicting the Republican "brand" persist, McCain's candidacy ...
could be doomed, as well.
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